Sex, like many things is complicated. Even before you start having it, you want it. Just from a single touch, you find your hormones begin screaming, your body starts to ache, and you just can’t control yourself any longer. It is a feeling like no other- a desire, a lust, a need for something- something more, something intimate, something sexual.
If you’re like most ladies, you’ve probably thought about your first time since you got your first kiss all those years ago.
It’s a pretty big deal getting intimate with someone. Letting them see you completely; touch you in places you may have never even touched yourself.
So when it comes to taking that plunge, to letting yourself be with someone completely, you should be prepared. Know the facts, be safe, and make sure you are happy with your choices.
If you are anything like me, you will spend days, weeks, even months researching the topic- the best way to do it, ways to make it hurt less, ways to make it less awkward. But when you are in the moment all that information disappears and it is just you and your partner, so make sure you are with someone you trust.
“You’re going to want to take off your clothes and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you will get chlamydia… and die.” – Mean Girls (because what else describes any of this better?)
Sex is a big deal to a lot of people and the best way to have it is to be able to be open about it. Find a person you can talk to about your anxieties, and when you find that someone who knows and understands your fears, that same person will also be the one to help you overcome them. Sex takes two people (most of the time), so make it not only about him, but about you too.
It is because of my own fears, and my experiences that I know other girls are searching this topic up, reading as much as they can to really prepare themselves for what is to come. Were all scared and it is okay to admit it. So for all the girls out there who are nervous- don’t worry, I’ve been there and I’m still sometimes there. I am always asking more questions, always trying to understand everything better no matter how much I experience it, so let me be the one to help you this time!
Will It Hurt & Will I Bleed?
Keep Calm & Carry On!
Every girls first fear when it comes to their first time is the pain they associate with sex. We hear a lot of scary stories about pain and uncomfort in the first time we do it as well as a fear of bleeding.
When having sex for the first time, many girls will experience a tear in their hymen (a tissue that lines the opening of the vagina), however some girls may not. Your hymen can already be torn because of something as simple as dancing, using tampons or horseback riding from a different point in your life. This though is still a lot of the time the pain we worry about. It is uncomfortable but it does pass.
When a girls hymen is torn (depending on its thickness as everyone is different), it is frightening. It is in these situations that communication with her partner is KEY. If a girl is rushed into the situation and she is not sufficiently lubed in some way, the friction will be less than satisfactory. The most important thing to keep in mind when avoiding pain in any way is to stay calm and relaxed. Talk to your partner about how you feel, relax your muscles and allow your body to breath through the motions.
If the pain persists there could be other reasons. Try out a few positions, talk it slow and remember to breath.
Should I tell Him That I’m A Virgin?
I’ve said it once and I will say it again. Communication is Key in this sort of situation!
Your secrets are your own and it is always your choice what you do and do not tell others, however in this situation I would suggest saying something.
A lot of the time men forget how to be sensitive to a woman’s anxieties – especially when they are thinking with their second heads. If you are planning to get intimate with a partner for the first time, letting them know you are inexperienced and a little worried may help them see to go slow. This way you do not have to feel pressured in any way.
If it comes down to you saying something and him having any sort of a problem with you being a virgin, then guess what? He isn’t worth your time so show him the door and make sure he sees what he is missing!
Should There Be Foreplay?
Yes, Yes, So Many Times Yes!
Foreplay can be anything that leads up to the act of intercourse. It is not only important, but it is a lot of fun!
When having sex for the first time, it is important to be comfortable with your partner. If you are to shy for foreplay and having your body touched in anyway, well then, you are not ready for that final act you are thinking so much about. Foreplay isn’t just about arousal- but about allowing yourself to be vulnerable and safe with another person.
Foreplay is important as it is a way to set you up for that main event. It is a way to not only loosen your muscles and lubricate you- but it feels amazing. For a woman, foreplay is a girls main point of arousal.
Use this time however you want it. Take it slow, explore your bodies and have fun with it; there are no set rules for how and what you are supposed to be doing!
Will I Orgasm?
Probably not, but that’s okay!
If you’re anything like me, you’ve spent your life watching the cheesiest, most romantic comedies you could find. These movies portray nights filled with candles, roses, and utter sensation that lasts all night long. But keep in mind- these are just movies and most of the time extremely unrealistic! …Unless you’re dating Ryan Reynolds in which case you’ve already won in every aspect of life so stop complaining.
When thinking about the female orgasm, keep in mind, it is hard to come by no matter how experienced you are. It is actually pretty rare that you will reach that “grand finale” your first time because you are not as aware of your body as you’d expect. It is also generally uncommon for women to orgasm sold from intercourse and that is why foreplay is so important. The vaginal canal is not as sensitive as people think and that is why foreplay and attention to your clitoris is something to think about.
Get more comfortable with your partner and explore each others bodies. The more comfortable you are with each other the easier it will be to know what gets each one of you off.
What Should I Do About Contraception?
Always be prepared, and never rely on your partner.
Keep in mind that you put your own health at risk if you aren’t smart about your actions. I never suggest relying on your partner to be prepared if you want to keep yourself self.
There are so many different types of contraception options on the market today in order to fit every girls needs. Whether your on the pill, using any form of condom or patch- make sure you are prepared.
There are thousands of ways to learn about contraception but the best yet is your health care physician. Learn about all the possibilities and all the outcomes before hand. Better yet, get yourself checked, and try to get your partner checked too as a protection against all STD’s for both your sakes.
Find out what works best for you and stick to it. Being safe is the most important part when it comes to sex.
What If I’m Feeling Anxious?
Anxiety is common and it does pass if you’re with the right person.
It is extremely common to feel anxious when it comes to your first time, and you know what, this feeling actually never fades. Being intimate in that way with a person is scary and we all know it. It is opening yourself up and being completely vulnerable with someone. This is especially the case when it is your first time.
The best way to get over these fears is to make sure that before you are ready to be open with someone else, you are comfortable with yourself. If you are scared of your body, you can’t expect to not be scared of someone else being with it.
There is really nothing that will truly prepare you for sex. Make sure you are ready to take this step, get comfortable with yourself, and keep your expectations realistic. It will never be perfect, and no matter how much you hope, and plan, and wait, at the end of the day it all comes down to the person you are with, so talk about it and wait until you are sure and ready.